Norian Love

Happy Birthday!

2011-12-09T10:33:00.001-08:00

Today is a very special day for me because one of my friends was born, I think to myself how many thought I’ve shared with this person, how many times we’ve shared emotions. And how well they know me even though we are so far apart they are never too far away from my thoughts. Friends are a unique thing I think go gives you a bunch of test run friends…and then he gives you gems. People you find yourself calling upon, thinking about and praying for. I have such a friend who was there to help me through one of the most difficult times in my life. But that same friend was there to help me laugh. I just want to take this personal moment to say happy birthday! My life has forever been changed for the better because you are apart of it I only hope I add value to your life as well

Love Garden

2011-11-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever watched flowers bloom?

All the waiting the time the days in the garden

Feeding them nurturing them only to get nothing

All of the time you spend preparing

and watching the rain soak the earth

penetrate the ground

and kiss the seed of your labor

Making sure the sunlight this them

Without any real result?

It’s a tedious effort at best

And one day, long after you’ve given up

Or even care anymore

When all of your effort seems in vain

You notice almost out of no where

Your flowers have bloomed

Love is the same way

It blossoms when and where

you least expect it to

at least it did in my garden.

Kim Kardashian's Divorce

2011-10-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly Kim Kardiashian got a divorce from Kris Humphries – now I’ll admit I’ve done my very best to avoid reality shows as a rule of thumb and this one is no different so I’ll lead off by saying my concern is truly superficial in nature, having said that my question is: Did anyone not see this coming? More importantly did anyone not recognize that if this girl hadn't been engaged to begin with her 15 minutes of fame would slowly start to tick. Reality shows need drama and what’s more dramatic than a marriage and then impending divorce. So next season we can see all of the dramatic struggles she’s going through from losing her one true love Lurch (via the monsters).Overall, I have to give her a B for effort. while this was entertaining what really would've been over the top is if she would’ve Married Tim Tebow. That way not only could his bad play be explained away (thus preventing the inevitable firing as an NFL quarterback) But she couldn't had the same desired outcome with someone people remotely are interested in. I digress

Perseverance

2011-10-26T18:18:00.001-07:00

This love letter

Is for you

Everything that we were,

all that we could've been

and what we are today

The question in my heart…

where is the love

I knew…

This love letter

Is for all of the heartache

The tears

The triumph

The failures of love

I dedicate this moment in time

To that moment in time

When you realize… you have to start all over

Again

I dedicate these words this energy to that moment

It's in that moment of helplessness

Of hopelessness

You find the hidden strength

To build

To overcome

To press forward

Uncertainly…

But forward still

I dedicate this letter you

To love’s perseverance

2011-10-06T08:24:00.001-07:00

"Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehowalready know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

-------- SteveJobs 1955- 2011

2011-09-27T13:17:00.000-07:00

Focused but chilling

Lost Generation

2011-09-11T14:41:00.001-07:00

I had to share

NFL 9-11

2011-09-11T06:36:00.000-07:00

Football's back I can't tell you how much i enjoy this time of year. Today though is 9/11 I don't have to get into how much this changed things in the world. The loss of life in itself was probably one of the most tragic things our generation will ever witness. the lasting economic and global repercussions are still being felt. I hope that during your time today you take time out to remember the children spouses mothers brothers sisters fathers who either loss someone on this day or were lost.

Blessings

2 Years

2011-08-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

2 years later, you call as if everything’s OK...

2 years I spent wondering where we went astray

2 years I coped with losing my best friend.

2 years to wonder would I see you again

2 years of this stress, 2 years of this grief,

2 years of anxiety, no sigh of relief

2 years to be hurt, 2 years to get strong

2 years to deal with it, 2 years to move on

2 years full of tears, and heartache, and regrets

2 years of loneliness I will never forget

And now here you are waltzing back in my life

Erasing 2 years of pain? And 2 years of strife?

Or 2 years of “this was not meant to be”

Or 2 years thinking “hell what’s wrong with me?”

And now you are back like it’s all just ok

Like I need to listen to what you have to say

You hurt me and left me and never looked back

Why in the hell should I put aside that?

What were you doing? Where have you been?

The questions I had that dwelled deep within

That tore me apart kept me up late at night

That made me upset that made “this” not right

And now I should listen to you apologize?

And get that confused with more of your lies?

Though I loved you, and cared, and you were indeed missed…

The 2 years of time taught me, I deserve more than this.

Back to School Parents!

2011-08-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

Before I start I want to give this disclaimer: I’m sure I have some educators who are going to read this who may be offended or have lost their sense of humor after years of being pummeled by the job-

Make no mistake I value what you do and in no way am I trying to offend you so this isn’t for you- This is for the parents who year after year spend ~~countless man hours~~, ok procrastinate to the last second to go on this this scavenger hunt for a list of supplies for their child who truth be told is probably going to end up coming home with one favorite raggedy notebook and a pencil. (Again I have nothing against education honestly), this system is a bit fugged up. I was a student and I don’t remember needing a red, yellow, blue, green, pink, turquoise, brown, or orange folder.

I truly wonder at the end of the prior school year do all the teachers sit around and say “F it- let's Fu** with them one good time!” and that’s how you come up with the list? We all know that all there are some things that is on the list of things parents need to get for school more than likely will never be used. (at least by the students keep reading.) What pisses me off even more is that on the first day of school, more often than not the teacher co-mingles all the supplies I just went on a scavenger hunt to find in the first place!

So we as parents take extended lunch breaks sneak out of wok at 2 or in the words of my Brother “take these penitentiary chances!!” to get these school supplies to have them reshuffled? Bullshit.

BUT - as always... we do it because as parents you don’t want your child looking like the unorganized student he or she probably is going go to act like all year long. This year’s adventure taught me some universal truths I’d like to share in hopes that next year whoever decides to put this list together next year gives us a flipin break:

2 pronged bracket folders are the most difficult school supply known to man.

This is the “we’re f***ing with you item. You will never EVER find these folders,
all of them,
in one store,
at one time.
It’s just not possible.

Now, there are DOZENS of yellow folders but none of them have the brackets so it’s like the lotto. You sort through clinging for dear life to the one green folder you found hoping you can find purple when it’s not going to happen so you buy the fuchsia one because it's close to purple hoping it won't be a big deal. And it's not..because by the end of the first week some child you've never met will be using the 2 dollar folder you bought and your kid is stuck with the thirteen cent one. of course you don't know this until you've gone to 3 stores trying to find all 2 pronged bracket folders, with the pockets. If the teaching union can do anything to help us as parents it's this: Decide on 6 colors universal to all schools. make sure these colors never change This way companies can just put one packet together of folders and we can all be happy.

There is always one item on the list that doesn't exist

Example: 1 5 Subject Non-Perforated Composition Book (380ct)

There are composition books and there are 5 subject books but this combination i mentioned simply doesn’t exist. I know because I went to 5 stores and used the power of the internet looking for it.don't believe me? I dare you to find this. Let me know if you do.

Red Pens:

Look, this is the by far the most insulting thing on the list and here's why. when I was a kid if i got caught with a red pen it meant instant detention, why? Because Only teachers use red pens. Every year this is on the list and my kid never ever EVER uses a red pen in school which leads me to...

Buying supplies for Teachers:

Look if you need supplies just come out and ask for a donation, our kids don't go through 4 boxes of Kleenex, I've never seen a damn thing highlighted and who in the fu** believes a grade school kid needs dry erase markers? and post it notes? are you fu$$in kidding me??? when in the history of education were children and notes in the same sentence ever a good thing?

I'm stopping here for the night, again not my intent to offend just need a better filter.

Blessings
No

She Lives

2011-08-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

She lives in the infinite black I see when I close my eyes

She lives in my imagination

my truth,

My lies...

She lives in the crevasses of my uttermost confessions

She hides herself from all,

Making me peruse a figment

of so many imaginations

She dwells in the very core

The motor that convoys blood thru my veins in order to survive

She’s silk, cinnamon, mere, frankincense, dark chocolate

A treat to any other person, a requisite for my survival

There can not be a greater purpose for me other than to serve her

The concept of my creation was to suffice her fancy

her innermost whim

A lock and chain,

an ATM and PIN, one useless without the other

She’s every romance novel

every poem before this one actualized

And she lives

In the infinite black I see when I close my eyes…

3 Date Rule

2011-07-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

I’m a big fan of Television , there used to be a point (pre DVR) I’d plan my life around it. Still, there were some shows even though I’d dvr them I couldn’t miss live. of course the obvious was sports, football or the NBA playoffs. But there were a few shows that would suck me into their world and I couldn’t wait until a week had passed to see what happens next. The Wire, The Shield, The Sopranos, Spartacus, and 24 to name a few were the reasons I’d move meetings, change appointments or miss out on something social. But lately, and for good reason I haven’t been able to get attached to a show and this is for a number of reasons, First there are, and this cannot be understated, a lot of bad shows on Television. The actors are unmemorable and it seems like each show is going for the “wow” factor than actually telling a good story. Then there’s the Internet, I’ll come back to this in a second. But lastly there’s the simple fact that you just don’t know if it’s worth your time anymore to get involved in a show. Take the latest victim of good Television and poor ratings- Outsourced. This show was probably as funny if not more than 30 Rock (which means it was 10 times funnier than the Office.) Yet after one season it’s gone. I’m sure NBC will replace it with one of the many lame ducks they tend to gravitate towards. SO here I am at a crossroads. I’ve been hearing “game of thrones” name being thrown around and I believe it might be a good show but it hasn’t passed my new 3 date rule. My new standard for television is I need a show to be on the air at least 3 seasons before I invest myself into the world. Jack Bauer gave me 8 beautiful seasons, The Wire still feels short lived with 5 seasons of the best television I’ve ever seen. My point is, there was time for growth, and enough time to truly connect with the universe that was being created. A show like The Event could’ve had potential by season 2-( ok maybe not The Event it wasn’t going anywhere) take Kings- that show had lots of potential but after half a season it was gone, so lately I’ve had to be very selective about shows before I get emotionally attached. Which brings me back the internet point, Thanks to Netflix, Hulu and a dozen other services I can jump into a show at any point in time and get current like I plan to do with Mad Men. Sadly this means I’m not watching much of the shows that are on the air currently. But hey there’s always Law and Order- Just not L&O Los Angeles it just got canceled

Something Different

2011-07-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

So I've been talking to my BFF and they've been trying to convince me to let go of book 3 entirely web based- i'm curious - I'm going to let you know that it will not entirely be poetry but hopefully it something everyone will enjoy-email me and let me know what you think

Blessings

No

The Graduate

2011-07-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have to close this chapter

I have to turn the page

I have to get you out my head

It’s time to cross the stage

I’ve graduated love 101

I majored in heartbreak

My minor is regret

Because I made a few mistakes

Though my lessons have been learned

I would not take this course again

Cause all that I have learned

Doesn’t equal what I lost in the end

I miss you (My dedication to you)

2011-07-06T08:09:00.001-07:00

I apologize for being gone for so long

Appreciate you all being here but hold on

The last year was a tough one, I lost my dad

In the process I think I lost my path

Wait…

Had to figure it out, get my head together

The pen became a distraction, it didn’t make it better

So here I was trying to force this therapy

When really god was there tryna tell me “take care of me”

Wouldn’t listen, couldn’t see his vision

Everything remained the same, became different

Slowly I was slippin,

Partyin, drinkin, thinkin, my Theater of Pain needs a second edition

Everyone was trippin, just how I saw it

Won’t get into details but now I know it

Wasn’t the case, I wanna thank you all for the love

Reminding me that my father was watching me from above

Everybody saying “keep your head up” that they here for me

I just wished I had somebody to cry those tears for me

Slowly, throughout all the struggle, the inner fighting

I found myself dealing with issues inside my writing

Realized I missed Orchid, Aqua, J, and Anonymous

What Crystal Monae, had to say at times it was obvious

I miss you all for reading

Missed you more for believing

And that’s for everybody, not forgetting my girl Evening!

Too many names to say I appreciate

I hope in my new work you see I reciprocate

Too many names for me to say I appreciate

I hope in my new work you see I reciprocate

Blessings

-No

A Student’s qualm

2011-02-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

Passed every test,

Learned every lesson

Took every quiz,

Still you second guessin

What we have is for real,

Maybe it’s an excuse

Try to tell you the deal

But wondering what’s the use

See a part of me believes there is a you and I

But another part of me sees you’re never satisfied…

See you keep telling me we ought to be together

But anytime it rains you’d rather just change the weather

Hold on…

Question is do you really want a man?

Or someone to constantly reassure you and hold your hand?

See I can’t keep up with those wondering eyes

Because it’s human nature to think that they mean wondering thighs

But I ignore all that, no need for the speculation

is this another test or you need this validation?

Looking at you telling me you feel similar energy

But in my peripheral see you sharing that chemistry

With anyone who you can make eye contact with

I feel like it’s 95 and this some high school shit

But wait…

I could see it as a lesson to learn

cause if I’m constantly graded maybe this just the midterm

But…

sooner or later, you can mark my words

I’ll get tired of these tests, where there ain’t no curve

See you’re searching for perfection, so my 3.8

Ain’t enough to pass this course I continue to take…

Teacher teacher, maybe this a mistake

I’ll try to figure it out over this spring break

Take your notes , make your marks, do whatever it takes

I don’t know if I’ll be back after this spring break…

Healing

2010-11-15T18:34:00.000-08:00

The last 4 months have been some of the most difficult in my life - it has all but stopped me in my tracks, without reliving or going into too much detail it's affected every area of my life and i'm not sure if it's something i can ever get over. But i will have to and i understand that- this is the first time i've felt comfortable writing about my experience in any form and while, i think that it's certainly something that is going to take time, i k now i haven't been in my routines the way i would like to be- so with that being said i'm going to start writing again and sharing- this was just a good first step for me to talk to all of you who read. thank you for your support thank you for your messages for those of you who know me thank you for your prayers...

Blessings

Thougths in Anguilla

2010-07-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

Do at any point in time I cross your mind?

have you ever met a boy that as a man

Thinks you're as fine

As you were when he was a youth?

I promise this is the truth

I'm thinking that we could resolve our

Issue but what's the use

I'm reminiscing on what is a teenage love

but now that I'm 27... Don’t need no glove

I want whatever you give me, and maybe

Somehow that's wrong

But I'm hoping

You get the message cause our love’s so strong

Feel me?

I just want to be somewhere you have accepted me

If that's means ecstasy, destiny or eventually

Long as it's next to me

Maybe you'll finally understand what we were meant to be

When we were fifteen

And god or accident sent you to me

Love's Nostalgia

2010-06-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

There's really nothing like New Love. I remember the first time the first song and all of the intensity of my first love and the subsequent loves after that. I was so passionate. I think we all were at one point in time the way the heart flutters and the nervous energy and the buildup to holding hands and... the "first kiss". it seemed the older we get the more complicated it became. it almost seemed like love was a myth or certainly more guarded than it was when you'd through your heart and everything inside of you into another person with reckless abandonment. Eventually we learn either through heartbreak disappointment or just maturation to be more subjective when falling in love. Demand more information before we give our hearts. Expect more up front before we bear our all...if ever. my question today is Are we all too cautious to love deeply like our first?

-Blessings

Intangible

2010-04-24T12:20:00.000-07:00

In ways I can’t describe

I need her

Kissing her feels incompletely whole

Our dilemma is distance

Time

Circumstance

Yet… our stolen moments seem ubiquitous

But growingly insufficient

I’m left with a cocktail of memories and fantasy

Sustain me until

She’s there for me again

To embrace.. yet

Time

Circumstance…

I need her

Alone

2010-04-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I just want to be left alone.

I’m not checking email, unplugging my phone.

I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t want to talk

. I don’t want to hang out, don’t want to walk.

Right now I just want to be left alone.

Like the day before birth, it’s here I’ll roam.

I really don’t want to hear who did what when.

Not from my lover, and not from my friends.

Can you understand I want to be alone?

Left to my own devices, a comfort zone

I really don’t want my best friend in my ear

yappin about things I don’t want to hear.

I don’t want to see anyone at my front door

If anyone asks I went to the store.

I love all of you but give me my space.

I’m trying to find my own quiet place.

Leave me be me. Let me be me alone.

Don’t ask me nothing, what’s the matter, what’s wrong.

I don’t want to go out. Don’t want company.

Just want to be with I, myself, and me.

I’ll holler tomorrow but today leave me alone.

I’m not checking email, not answering my phone.

In the moment

2010-03-03T20:15:00.001-08:00

Anyone who's ever read this blog knows I'm mainly serious... tonight i just want to get a pass to share some of the things on my mind at the moment. First of all I don't watch American Idol... WATCHED it tonight... I'm going to give the women an overall C. Secondly what's this deal with senator Jim Bunning holding up Unemployment benefits? OK you want this to not be added to the national deficit. I'm quite sure that the people who need this don't care where in the hell it's added to Jim... but that's the disconnect in Washington. Lastly... i think it's just hit me now that the king of pop has passed away. I'm listening to i wanna rock with you. and i realized. wow..that's it. no new material no chance at another song in 10 years... This man was incredible. as a kid I like many of us tried to get his rhythm down... and i hate the fact that i never saw him live. What i find most interesting is how I listen to his words now and there are some very romantic songs overpowered by his voice an intrigue. I'm going to miss MJ... it's almost as if i wasn't able to accept it at first. OK that's enough randomness for now. well one more thing... listening to in the heat of the moment by after 7. Highly underrated group

Blessings

Young Love

2010-02-17T09:19:00.001-08:00

I remember the way your body felt in my palm

Quivering but strong, so smooth

You were delectable, Every time I experienced you

I thought it was unadulterated chocolate.

I cherish the fond memory

of putting my words in various unmentionables…

and even in the places I put them when I first met you.

Our teenage love was quite mature on some days…

and the beatific viciousness in which we demonstrated

our passion for one another, was only a side act compared

to the emotions we reserved inwardly,

which we professed to anyone who would listen, to be love.

And love it was.

Nothing intersting to say

2010-02-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

I want to blog today, but i really don't have anything to talk about in particular so i guess i'll just think aloud for a while. I'll start by saying it's been Hella cold in Houston and I hate it. My island blood can't take this 30 degree weather. and it doesn't seem to want to let up. I've got over a dozen projects I need to make progress on. There have been some movements at my job that annoy me but like everyone in this environment i'm thankful to have a gig... finally have a street date for Games of the Heart. March 29th. I'm excited but emotionally, it's always hard to stay in the same place when I write. re reading it. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm still waiting on my copies. I digress

I'm really excited because i'm closer to one of my goals. as a child i was pretty fluent in French and now I've lost most of the language. I'm going to get sharp again. I've ordered a few books written entirely in French and i'm going to see how far i get. So that's a plus as well. I guess that's all i have to say... wasn't too bad What's new with you?

Blessings

Imagine

2010-01-25T06:41:00.000-08:00

Imagine life with no pain

Imagine the springtime without rain

Imagine if love was not lost but an opportunity gained,

Imagine if we lived life by its gross instead of its net worth

Imagine if we showed more respect to mother, to earth,

Imagine if we refused to settle, refused to just to get by,

Imagine if the Song of Solomon is what we used to get high

Imagine if family was more important than wealth

Imagine if commitment was more important than self

Imagine if all things did not come to an end

Imagine love unconditional... right now it depends

Imagine if we gave a damn about the poor and the homeless

Imagine if we entertained ourselves less, made education our focus

Imagine if the “righteous” believed in what’s right

Imagine starting a war but then staying to fight

Imagine if father raised their sons and mothers their daughters

Imagine protecting our sisters and “keeping” our brothers

Imagine if race and creed weren’t embrangled with hate

Imagine if we took action before it’s too late

Imagine…

Haiti

2010-01-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

Being from west indian desent it's heartbreaking to hear about the most recent catastrophe in the long line of recent natural desasters to hit Haiti. Looking at the disaster right beneath those of us in the United States I'm complelled to help in every way I can. that includes this vessle. I urege anyone who's reading to take a step back and help your fellow man at this moment in time. Of course there is always going to be a rouge charity or two that may not do precisely what they are called upon to do and that why i'm providing the following link to Charity Navigator

http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=1004

May god bless and protect the lives of everyone affected by this natural disaster

-Blessings

Take a Bow

2009-12-28T08:18:00.000-08:00

as 2009 is winding up I had to take a moment to reflect on the year as a whole. I could talk for hours about the things we can all relate to Politics, entertainment, or other current events but that's what trending topics on twitter are for. I want to share today with you to ask you to share your thoughts on your 2009 journey... For me personally It was something to be appreciated of I learned more about myself this year than probably in the last four to five. I've surpassed many obstacles and more important than that I learned that I am truly blessed. There was some joy and some pain and some laughter. But If I had to some up my 2009. It would be a year of personal growth and understanding. To everyone who I've had the privilege of meeting online this year I want to say thank you for sharing your energy, thoughts and ambitions I've enjoyed each one of your blogs so much. Moreover, thank you for taking time to do the same for me. Ironically sharing what's in my heart is one of the hardest things to do and so in order to get over that I write to share with anyone who will read. (It really is the most absurd thing in my opinion.) My prayer for each of you is that 2010 brings your heart's desire as well as a personal growth that will enable you to reach for all of your ambitions in the year to come. Thank you for sharing this ride with me. What are your goals for 2010?

Blessings

-No

Moment of Adoration

2009-11-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

I don’t think you’re ready for what I have to say

I’m thinking about you almost every day

Yet I’m trying to find a better way

To tell you that I feel you like I never have

It just doesn't add up and I have done the math

Added us together then divided all the obstacles

That makes us multiplying ourselves here impossible

Minus the nonsense we always equal great love

Maybe that’s why it’s the only thing I think of

Beautiful rouge lips pressed gently against mine

When it happens it feels like we have just paused time

Let’s stop the world from moving if only for an hour

And call it daylight savings while we’re in the shower

Pardon my boldness but everything about you

Is a requisite for me not wanting to live without you

I won’t go into detail, just using my common sense

Infatuated by your design the mirror is your compliment

And I’m so confident that my words won’t equate much

Nothing I couldn't express through a mate’s touch

So I’ll adore you with my lips and know I’m sincere

That I’m thankful every moment that you spend here

Winter

2009-11-18T05:56:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to drop a quick blurb about the winter. It has to be the most romantic season of them all. I consider winter just as sexy as summer, but with just a bit more substance. As a kid every time I "fell in love" was mid winter early spring and i always look forward to the first cold day of the year which is what I'm getting right now where I'm from (it's freezing) but the other thing i like about the winter is being able to dress warm but look Great. i think my winter outfits are the best thing i have going (typically bought on sale the at the end of the last winter- mid summer) What is your favorite season and why?

Blessings

-No

Welcome Back

2009-11-13T07:02:00.000-08:00

I've said this before and i would like to apologize about my recent inactivity. I've just been pushing most of my Energy into making sure the final Product of Games of the Heart is something that will be enjoyable. I've always wanted to make sure that the energy is created and shared through my writing since there are only so many Hours in the day unfortunately I've sacrificed time on my Blog but i can officially say that has come to an end. I'm going to eventually annoy all of you with my thoughts :-)

Blessings

-No

Autumn’s Song

2009-11-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

November reminds me of an event,

My love affair with autumn,

The sign that winter’s

Romance slowly takes control of your impulses.

The air changes into a scent of love’s past.

Autumn was always favorite time of year.

The passion was a cat and mouse game

Of warm, enticing embraces and semi

Plutonic chemistry combined

With a pseudo sensual entanglement

Of thoughts. The leaves diminish from

branches onto the ground

The wind blows and invokes closeness

as if either of the latter could do any harm.

Autumn is a time to reflect externally,

And introspectively, it’s a long slow kiss

A walk in the park near the lake,

A lazy Sunday afternoon.

Autumn is Love Jones,

Mo better blues and you’ve got mail rolled into each day.

It’s a reminder of what life can be like,

oxymoronically by bringing

Closure to the earth’s life for the year.

This is sweet November’s story

You are my autumn

Hiatus

2009-10-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hello to all,

I've stayed in the shadows for the last month I've had a lot going on with Games of the Heart getting closer and closer to it's release. I've been trying to hit certain spots in town and try out material from GOTH. I'm happy with my response yet so much time has passed I'm not sure how anyone will feel about my latest project. I've been working on book 3 (still untitled) and I'm about 70 percent of the way done with it but I'm hoping people will still enjoy it all i can truly say is that right now in this moment I'm evolving as a writer. Moreover I'm enjoying the trail as I walk along to find out where it leads to When it's all said and done I hope that you enjoy Games and Book 3 as much as you've enjoyed anything else I've written thus far.

Blessings

The Outcast

2009-09-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

This must be how the devil feels

Cast from heaven, sent to hell

For taking love for granted

Its here, in hell, I’ll dwell

This must be how the devil feels

The sky is dark and gray

Perfection was my other option,

I threw it all away.

This must be how the devil feels

Resentment, from his fall

It’s not better to have know and lost

Than to have not known heaven at all

This MUST be how the devil feels

Angry, full of despair

Knowing love,

Needing love,

Trying not to care

But if heaven would consider him

And forgive him for his wrongs

The devil would repent his sins

And praise heaven all day long

Such a Big Ego

2009-09-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about the web is I can speak my mind. Some can relate some wont but it doesn't matter I'm able to say Exactly what it is uninterrupted. One of the worst things to deal with Is a person who's self oriented. This person Believes the sun rises and sets upon their ass. We as people sometimes can be self centered but this Person is so uniquely focused on THEM that it's pretty hard to get anything in between what they think and how they feel. Those are your two options when dealing with a person like this. We all know them. But we, do them no favors by feeding into what they are Self Centered. This person Typically thinks any conflict or issue is solely because of their action or inaction and always thinks they are either right Important to everything that may be going on. Their point of view is the only way they care to see things no matter what the issue is. I'm not going to spend much time on the Self Centered person believe me they have spent enough time on themselves, But it's important to note that This trait eventually will become stale. Sadly The person who could benefit the most from this will probably never read it.

Blessings

Puppy Love

2009-09-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was listening to John Coltrane's Body and Soul last night and It reminded me of what I thought love use to be . The love that we see on Television, the love that everyone talks about. Do you remember Puppy love? These days it's all work everything is hypercritical.... I remember the first time I felt what I thought was true love. it was so Intense. I was on the extreme of passion, of life, of energy. Waking up to see D. Smith (my 7th grade crush) was my... was the only reason to live. It was like the first time you go to Vegas and you win big in a short amount of time you feel on top of the world. The next person I loved even more... (so I thought, but hey I was a kid I know some of you probally fell in love every week with a diffrent boy or girl...until graduation some of you till this day ;-) )

And as my experience with love grew so did my perception of it. Eventually, I started to rationalize, be cautious, rightfully so but love was certainly regulated. Like a water faucet, I'd increase to the appropriate pace because, things... life had taught me to never just let the faucet flow unchecked and it made me realize maybe I wasn't alone. Maybe thousands of men and women have learned to look at love differently, more guardedly. Maybe some of us feel like love is similar to other dreams (like the second time you go to Vegas you can't seem to have that same rush of luck.) Some people have given up on love altogether with the believe it's not in their cards... Others have learned to appreciate the live they currently have and embrace the beautiful aspect of it.

We want an Abundance in all Areas of life, that's a part of the America Dream. When that doesn't happen we tend to feel displaced, or spend a lifetime looking for it... My love now is much differently than my love as a child. It was raw innocent and overwhelming too much for me to control at such a young age but beautiful nonetheless. Falling in love back then was a living fairytale and that's what Mr Coltrane explored in that song (in my opinion). I can't say that was entirely a good thing being so head over heels about any person. I can only hope that in this day and age of Terrorism, The Recession, and all of the seriousness of the world today that children still fall in Love

I'm RICH BIEACH checklist

2009-08-31T11:01:00.000-07:00

I told myself I needed to finish my Manipulation convo today but I knew I'd be pressed for time and wouldn't be able to come up with a clear image of what I wanted to say so I decided to just let today Flow from the the cusp. I always think to myself how nice it would be rich. On the days when the office is hard to do I think If i had a Billion Dollars (the new million). I think we all have some checklist we run through in our mind about the first month. possibly the first 6 months... But Lately I've been trying to figure out would I really do any of those things on my I'm RICH BIEACH!! checklist. How much more exciting could 24 hours become whit a large sum of money if everyone you care about still has to work? would i want to devote that much time to my whims and desires? What would you do/buy if you had a billion dollars? Let me know

Manipulators

2009-08-20T13:22:00.000-07:00

I'm going to get a bit personal today I have a few good friends that seem to need to hear what what I have to say so I decided to break down The Manipulator (as it goes in relationships)

Manipulator:
This person is a jackass who wants his or her cake, and your cake, and the neighbor’s cake down the road. They want to eat it but blame you for the weight he or she will gain from doing so In both of my freinds cases they want to have the woman they with right now but are with but the escape (mainly the sex) provided by the “other woman”

how do you know if you are with a manipulator? I'm glad you asked. Here are some signs I've noticed that are dead giveaways of being with a manipulator:

They will always turn things around on you: The worse and the most tale tale sign, normally at the peak of the manipulation which is why I started here because If you read this and thought to yourself “Damn that’s (insert name here) GET OUT you’re being played on a slew of levels we can’t get into today.
They are the victim in any circumstance: For example both of my homegirls have men who are not available to them in any way shape or form and they are conned to stay in the guy’s life because “he’s confused” or “tormented” or “not happy with his current” what he hasn’t had the balls to say is “ I want to stay at home and make you a glorified booty call” women manipulators are typically the damsel looking for captain Saveahoe. All manipulators are experts at the "one upping" If your dog just died and you're sad, that's nothing they just lost a litter of dogs and cats in a house fire.
They start off perfect then take it all way: This is a classic Manipulation bait and should be first on this list because while you're floating on cloud nine they are laying the groundwork for removing those clouds this is all a setup for the next step
They tear you down: They can't be the same person anymore because YOU need to do X or they want to be in a relationship with you but Y is standing in the way. all of this equals Bullshit. There's nothing wrong with you It's part of the ploy because they are trying to get you to do the next step
The problem is solved by meeting their need: No compromise if it's men it's mainly sex if it's women it could be a ton of things including sex but not limited to. Depending on the woman it could be money company affection anything. You bend over backwards to keep them pacified. What we don't normally see until it's too late is All of the things you have to do to meet their need just patches their "problem" with you and most people are willing to do this becasue they are chasing the faint trail of that cloud 9 feeling that was removed by this person
Excuse for not being able to make a decision: These people don't like acountability they like choices but don't like choosing. I'm of the firm believer that you should never have to force a person to be with you to make a choice between you and another person but it happens, and when it does happen you're normally dealing with a Manipulator who's a master at A-E which brings me to F and G
Guilt: Manipulators are the best in the business at distributing guilt. They will be blunt or coy either way you walk away feeling like there's something you could of done differently or better and this is how they keep you inside of the web of deception that you can get caught in
No sense of accountability: This has been touched earlier but to reiterate these people can say one thing today. the next day swear up and down they never said it. This will drive the rest of us that live in this place I like to call the Real World insane. moreover Nothing is ever their fault. ever

There are a few more signs but I'd like your input on this as well. In part 2 I'll discuss ways to avoid and remove a manipulator from your life

Blessings

Workaholic by Day Poet by night

2009-08-17T10:53:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since I've had a chance to post. I've had to pull double duty for the last two weeks at work (even this week we've had a few guys all taking vacation at one time and guess who gets to pull their load?) I'm not the type of person who won't do your job well. (you know the guy or gal who is backing you up while you're gone then when you get back it's as if all they did was shuffle your work around like a kid not wanting to eat asparagus) I pride myself on making people feel like they don't have to worry when they come back... I'm now starting to see why so many people request me as their backup... nothing like bit of blog self actualization.

While this is going on I'm happy to tell you that my second book Games of the Heart is totally 100 percent done and we are in the production process right now. Giddy about this news (and a bit apprehensive), I took some time over this weekend to try out a few pieces at a few of the poetry lounges in town. I'm happy with the results! Right now I'm in the process of picking a cover. I have one in mind but I'd like the cover to symbolize how I felt when I was writing GOTH. It is hard for me to recapture those emotions. we'll see what comes of it. I will be posting whatever design I decide to go with. Once things die down over here at the Job I will see if i can put together a small sample to see how receptive you all are as well But what i truly want to know right now is What have each of you been up to over the last week? I hope it hasn't been as busy as mine

-Blessings

Over Stand IV

2009-08-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

During starlit nights on clear or cloudy days,

At 5 when I wake up before the sun.

At the cresting point of my alert hours,

You are in my thoughts.

I crave to hold you inside my soul again

and again.

for the fleeting seconds of time, tell me that this moment is given it’s

proper name. Moment.

So many people claim to understand love.

Just gaining a new knowledge for.

Yet my heart wont allow me to… See I knew it before it knew me.

I over stand your heart.

Your spirit.

Your element.

I feel it in every blessing your lips place upon my own.

In every electric sensation my heart gets

When engulfed in your temperature.

In every memory I run through of your beauty

And even though it won’t be long before we let life

take us to back to our daily grind and the hustle

and bustle of the agnatic state of the world.

OUR world… Is completely ours always.

The Truth Will Only Imprison You

2009-07-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

I always hear people talk about how they want to hear the truth. Especially in relationships every couple at the beginning declares how they want this open door policy each friendship wants to believe that it’s built on total openness and trust. After some careful consideration I’m of the firm belief is that this is bullshit. People wanting to hear the truth couldn’t be further from the actual truth.

Lets be real for a second sometimes the truth hurts. And who wants to be hurt? No one wants to hear what kind of dog of a man they are dating or how they can be totally self absorbed or how they are average at best in anything they attempt to do. What people really want is for you to affirm THEIR truth. This rose colored version where they are always the protagonist or the victim or the one to hold the whole world together by their shoestrings. Very rarely do people openly take a square look at themselves and draw conclusions about there TRUE strengths and their TRUE weaknesses. Especially in relationships dating or otherwise. You hear time and time again the saying “hey I ain’t perfect” having said that those same people never seem to find fault with themselves. Ever. EVEN when it’s something that was really messed up, it either was their fault due to some other circumstance beyond their control OR it takes years to finally see where they made a mistake.

So now I ask what’s the point in telling the truth? no one wants to hear it, you’d be better off just agreeing with whatever utopia that exist in a person’s mind soon as disagree and provide a dose of reality. People LIKE being in the matrix. If you find yourself slightly irritated by this rant I’m probably talking about you, but I’ll apologize cause “Hey I ain’t perfect.”

-No

Soul Searching Part I

2009-07-27T06:31:00.000-07:00

Where are you from?

Where have you been?

I’ve been looking so long

You can’t believe

What I’ve been through

Been looking oh so damn long

Looking for you…

Searching my soul

Trying to find peace of mind

When in this chaos

There is no peace

I guess I was biding my time

Did you walk on water?

Were your wings clipped darlin?

What took you away from me?

Whatever it is

All that I know is that

You’ve been so much to me

And all I want to be

Is anywhere you are.

Back in the US

2009-07-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

I really thought I'd be able to post more while i was gone but my Internet access was very limited. A lot has happened in the last half month. where to begin How about this. American Airlines is by far the worst airline in the history of Airlines. Seriously I'd rather have the wright brothers fly me in the first plane ever built unsure of weight mechanics and time to travel than to ever board another American Airline vessel. Here's why. my original plan was to leave on Sunday, yet they canceled the flight. That's fine I mean not having a backup plane somewhere within a distance too much like right so Sunday comes and goes, Monday rolls around the plane is about 3 hours late. When I get back into the country. customs is pretty quick. Thinking I might have a chance to acutally catch my last flight back home. I'm getting excited. And then what do you know. American airlines can't seem to process people in a timely fashon to put their bags on their connecting flight. So Monday I stay in Miami. What shouldv'e been a 7 hour trip has now been a 48 hour adventure. I digress, it's good to be home.

Dream Deffered

2009-07-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I talked to a very impressive person. I mean the kind of person who motivates you She had raised her son for 21 years most of which she spent being a school teacher. When her son became an adult, She decided she wanted to pursue her dream. Her dream is to become an ER DR. She told me her story and how a plethora of the schools in the states gave her a hard time about age and her chance of succeeding in their schools. which is how she became a student in the Caribbean. By her words she will become a doctor less than two years. The reason this story is so inspiring is because of her detailed explanation of all of the obstacles of raising her son as well as the many people who said it wasn't possible. and now for all intents in purposes she's nearing the finish line. Is there a dream or goal that you've differed in your life? Leave a comment.

Blessings
-No

Vacation

2009-07-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

I've been doing some relaxing visiting Ma Mere, The woman always impresses me We've been sitting looking at the mountain drinking bush tea talking about life MJ, and all the stressors back home. in the afternoon we'll look at the ocean and go through a bottle of red wine and talk about who knows what I'd love to share with each of you the uniqueness of this island. I've randomly taken Pictures that I do plan on sharing. I'm not being entirely slefish though. I've worked on a bit of poetry that I promise will be a bit more up beat than I've been posting as of late (oddly enough it's not even how I personally feel just where the current flowed.) When i get a bit more time I'd like to dig a big deeper, Then again eveyone'could use R and R correct?

Blessings

-No

Pain's Barter

2009-07-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

I walk down the corridors of pain

With tears in my eyes

And my fractured soul

I’ll trade it for rest...

I ‘ll barter on this avenue of agony

My sleepless nights,

Countless hours,

For the hope that somehow

That you were still here

If I could have things back

The way they were before

I’d give away this torment

this frustration,

I carry since you’ve gone...

I wish I could offer you

My love again

But all I have for currency

Are the jagged fragments

of this broken heart

My Father

2009-06-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to my father, my love, my life

I always be there for you. words can’t express

How I feel for you. In a feebly misguided attempt I’ll try to put it in words:

Since the day I was born I could feel our connection

you put your life on the line several times in order to

protect me. You fed me clothed me, taught me how to read

made me as smart as I am to this day

maybe a bit sarcastic…just a little.

I get my wit, my skin complexion, and my passion from you.

My respect for life, my composure, my ability to think things through

I’ve always wanted your admiration your approval

The strength you possessed is unparalleled. It was difficult being my father

I know

And you should’ve had an easier task

But like me you love a challenge,

guess I got that from you too

How many times have I won awards, trophies and achieved recognition

just to see you be proud of me?

I, to a great extent, fought for you attention

And I know you had 2 other children to divided it among

But I desperately wanted you to know how important you are to me

I’d be proud to be one fourth of the father

You’ve been

Many don’t know what you’ve been through

And I love you from the depths of my soul

When I was missing pieces you tried to make me whole

You never took a day off, not a night, nor a weekend

You had no time for your self and I wish I would’ve been more

Understanding

When you needed love in your life

And you stated dating that guy you know I didn’t like

Raising me was a full time job and you didn’t have any help

Dad I love you half these people couldn’t put your shoes on, let alone

walk in them

They lack the understanding it took to be the person you are

The person I’d like to be

You were there to discipline me but reinforced your love too

I tell you I can remember the times when you and I would ride

Together listing to “Regulators” (Remember that one Pops?)

You tried to cross over to me

Till this day you love that song don’t you daddy?

On father’s day

I’d always give you a dozen roses.

You were sensitive…no sentimental

that way So you made me appreciate beauty and a woman’s worth

even though you are strong as an ox

I don’t know what other fathers are like with their sons and I really don’t

care

I’ want to treat my children the way you treated me. Thank you for your

example

I won’t get into specifics, but you’ve been the best father you knew how

To be and that had to be hard for you…being a woman and all

As hard as you worked it inspired me to try to find a wife like you

So with this dedication. I hope I’ve expressed to you mom. Thank you for

Being the best father I’ve ever met.

I love you mother.

Broken

2009-06-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

I’m broken

My ribs, my spleen, my soul is divided

Spiritually undecided

I’ve tried to keep together

Can no longer hide it

My spirit has been broken

I’m lost, misguided

I’m looking for direction, need peace of mind

Can I borrow your strength? Someone took piece of mine

It’s hard to imagine ever being this low

Shattered, by karma, one mighty blow

I’m broken…and I can’t seem to get it

Together

Despair is my roommate

Might be here

Forever

I’m broken…

Pain, Pain, Go Away...

2009-06-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

OK so the very NEXT day didn't happen blame that on my lack of Wi Fi (and Vegas cocktails)

But where was I? I was talking about "Hurt"

I'd like to think that we all eventually get over the pain that someone else causes. of course that's my Optimistically Naive persona talking. In reality Many of us take our hurt and we use it. Sometimes in positive ways, finding a new job, becoming a stronger person, etc; Some of us use it in negative ways that corrode brilliant parts of our personality or impact other people in our lives. I've know people who have allowed their hurt to impact generations because they could do the one thing that both contrast I presented earlier was guilty of. Letting it go. It's OK to have been hurt to use hurt in either way positive or negative in all honesty because let's face it, It's going to happen and how you deal with your pain is up to you so who can judge your healing process? What I can say is that as we hurt we all should try to do so with the expectation that this pain will not overtake you as a person. Meaning you will not become "the hurt" itself. Some of us have childhood pain that we refuse to put down, and inadvertently pass that pain out to the people closest to us for decades to come.

(I've always been amazed how the first 10 years or so of life can impact the next 70. )

This is also one of those things like many things in life that is easy to say but hard to do, yet when it comes to that pain preventing us from finding or keeping Love then it's one of those things we must attempt. Some of us have been hurt by love or what we thought was love at the time. I totally understand how hard that pain is to let go of. The body's first instinct when it's hurt in any capacity is to "heal' so it begins to repair the damage and builds tissue where the pain was caused and eventually either it will leave things just as nothing happen or sometimes depending on the severity it will leave a scar. The scar is a symbol and many times it's a reminder of what happened. what i had to learn is how to interpet the symbol.

When I was younger I was riding on the back of a dirt bike and jumping over small mounds of dirt. no safety gear (I know I know what is it with me and safety back then?) well I fell off the bike scrapped my arm pretty good it was pretty foolish and when it finally healed there was a scar on my left arm. I use to tell that story with all the things I did wrong in it. but now I look at that story totally different. I was young and I was having fun and up until the moment I feel I was having one of the best times of my life. My arm reminds me of that freedom not the pain.

Many of us have emotional scars that we haven't decided to look at in perspective. Stories that go "I was in love but i was hurt by.... and that's why I was scared." I'm not saying every scar is meant to be beautiful but there are some scars that we refuse to look at in any other way but painful. For the person who was in love but was hurt remember the first part of that statement . "I was in Love" Sometimes it truly is better to have loved and lost. because all of the beauty in the love while you had it was a feeling like no other. So the question for today is Are you ready, or is it time to Reasess your scars? Take a look you'll be amazed what you might find out about yourself.

-Blessings

My Ambitions as a Writer...

2009-05-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

Ok It's been 2 weeks since I've post each day in the last week I've wanted to post even a quick blurb or a thought but time just wasn’t on my side. To some degree this is a stolen moment so having said that excuse me for anything you may find incoherent. I’d like to address some of the emails that I've received over the last few weeks/ months. I'm going to answer a few questions first of which is the question about my second book Games of the Heart. It is in Pre-production I don't have a definite timeline on when It should be available sooner than later, bear in mind working with publishing companies can sometimes be difficult to say the least. For those of you who have read my short stores “The Response” and “Retribution” I don’t want to keep you waiting on the conclusion but In this process I’ve decided to create a third and final poetry book that will include these short stories as well as the rest of the saga. I promise it will be worth the wait. on that note I'll switch gears:

If you've ever had your heart broken then chances are you've probably undergone a transformation, The kind of thing that is so methodical and intense it shifts pieces of you around. Normally this transition happens during the healing process. You build upon your wounds to help you deal with the next time you are hurt. Yet sometimes the pain is so severe some people create barriers vs heal. they create a mechanism to defend themselves from the pain that they've endured to never reach that threshold again. As a compromise they tend to not love as Deeply as the time they were hurt. This creates conflict for the next relationship and so forth... sometimes it becomes a part of who we are or it recedes our healing process. I wonder if Do you believe you are fully over the last time you were hurt? I'll finish this blog tommorow when I hit LAS VEGAS!

-Blessings

Beauty-Full

2009-05-19T06:44:00.001-07:00

I can’t find the descriptors,

Adjectives elude me

I’m probing for vocabulary

That will permit me to express what the

Pupils process when I intake your features

Beautiful is too inadequate, too generic a word

Yet it’s the only word that I know that has any significance

But as insulting as that word may be what are my alternatives?

Gorgeous…is too petty

Attractive? Is mediocre at best

Dazzling…it takes away from your substance

Stunning…is too fluffy of a word

Alluring would be nice…

but it can’t quantify your radiance

And so I’m stuck…

I could find another word. But what has more

Meaning than Beauty? It encompasses your splendor, your

Intellect,

your promise,

It carries all of the compassion in your eyes

And the warmth of your heart.

It dignifies more than your outward Appearance

it upholds your virtue as well as your merits,

It qualifies your inner resolve

It’s more than an adjective, but not enough to justify

All that you truly are,

Having gone through all of the other words,

It’s my only clear alternative alas I’m stuck with it…

and so are you

You are overflowing with it

With beauty…

you are Beauty Full

Lioness

2009-05-08T06:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that the majority of the world feels the way I feel in my next statement, Mother's day has always had a special place in my heart, It's a time to honor the person who in many case loves us unconditionally our first teacher, our first cheerleader, the first person we love, some may have fractured relationships with their mother, some may never be closer to another human being, what ever the relationship there is no mistaking that without a mother it's inconceivable to be brought into the world. For that alone there is a debt of gratitude that cannot be repaid. But the older I get the more I understand what it truly means in terms of sacrifice. My mother gave so much of herself to her children it's should be told in story form. She was a single mom with no support from anyone in a foreign country with one ambition; to make sure her children finished college. Her struggle was often hard but she made it enjoyable for us. So when I graduated college I made sure I gave my diploma to my mother. I felt that it was more so hers than it ever could be mine. (although, when i finish grad school though i think I'll send her a copy :-) )

Often times as a child I considered my mother a mythical creature. She was as cool as Sade, she had the charisma of Pam Grier, the balance and wit of Claire Huxtable But the fight of a Lion inside of her if her cubs were threatened . She always had the right answers (even when I didn't want them) she was always there to give encouragement. When I became a teenager she gave me a good balance of freedom and discipline. Now as an adult she's one of the people I enjoy talking to most in the world. there's so much history there that there's no need to go into a back story, she was there after all.

I only get to see her once a year because she moved back to her native country in the west indies about 6 years ago, so when I do see her I cherish every moment. The most interesting thing about my mother now that she's around people who knew her before I was a speck of dust is that before she was a parent she was a person. It sounds like common sense but it's still surreal to me. This is the disadvantage of being the minor in our relationship. Here is a normal person with their own faults, desires, whims, cares all set aside to ensure that I become something noteworthy in life. Sacrifice. I think children truly underestimate this quality and so in realizing her normalcy how she assessed so many situations in all of her children's lives no longer makes her mythical, it makes her EPIC. I often think how impressive all mothers are because at some point in time they were just person X with a totally different history set aside for the needs of their family. She's the Lioness who hunts and protects for the sake of the pack.

My favorite moment with my mother. I was about 5 years old. and we were waiting on the bus off of a street called Harrisburg. It was winter and freezing. and I thought to myself in my 5 year old mind "we're gonna die out here". My mom in her long purple overcoat (keep in mind it was the 80's) opened her coat and brought me inside to keep warm. I'll be open and state till this day it's the safest I've ever felt in my life, my hero had come through for me once again.

To everyone reading if you are a mother Happy mothers day, you're an unsung hero, and I tip my hat to the amazing job you you do with very little credit in return. To everyone not a mother but spending time with their own, I hope your mothers enjoy their day What's your favorite moment with your mom? Happy Mothers Day mom I love you.

Blessings

-No

Goodtimes

2009-04-30T12:59:00.000-07:00